Chronic pain has a way of shrinking life without asking permission I feel this way when Im stuck in a vicious cycle of chronic pain. My life falls through my fingers all in an instant. The depravity of care and the isolation in being on the losing side of a very tough battle.
It’s Not all at once.
Not overnight.
Just So Slowly Seeps Into Your Life With Chronic Pelvic Pain.
It starts with small things cancelling plans because your body says no, sitting out on family moments because the pain is too loud, or choosing rest over things you genuinely want to do. Before you realise it, the life you once moved through freely starts to feel smaller lesser and you begin to feel rather less like your imprint means something.
For many years, I have lived with chronic pelvic pain caused by endometriosis, adenomyosis and pudendal neuralgia and myofascial pelvic pain syndrome. I have had multiple surgeries, multiple medications, multiple procedures, many setbacks and moments of insight of the hope of some reduction in pain and diagnosis. Some days I feel strong, and some days the pain takes over so completely that simply existing in my body feels exhausting which can go on for days.
The hardest part? Chronic pain doesn’t just hurt physically. It quietly chips away at parts of you.
It steals energy.
It steals spontaneity.
It steals confidence.
Sometimes, it even steals the version of yourself you once recognised. You do grieve things people don’t always understand. The old version of yourself. The person who had more energy, more patience, more freedom.
The version of you that didn’t have to calculate every outing, every commitment, every school event, every “yes” against the question: Will my body let me do this?
As a woman of many talents, craft, work and study, this burden feels especially heavy.
There are days when I want to be more present, more creative, more energetic but pain limits me. And with that often comes guilt. The kind of guilt chronic illness shouts into your ear. You should be doing more.
But here is something I am learning, slowly and imperfectly:
Surviving chronic pain takes strength people often cannot see.
Rest is not laziness.
Pacing yourself is not weakness.
Needing help is not failure.
And being in pain does not make you any less valuable.
Some days, success looks different.
Sometimes success is simply getting through the day.
Making the school lunches.
Attending the appointment.
Taking medication on time.
Crying when you need to.
Resting without apologising for it.
Because chronic pain changes your life there is no point pretending otherwise. It can shrink your world without asking permission. But even inside that smaller world, there is still strength, resilience, love, and moments of joy waiting to be found.
I still have dreams.
I still have hope.
And even on the days where I feel like only half a version of myself, I remind myself that I am still here.
Still fighting.
Still showing up.
Even if it looks different than before.
To anyone carrying the burden of chronic pain: I see you.
This is hard. And if today all you did was survive, that is enough.
Cassie x
Welcome Beautiful 