Learn how to feel confident, advocate for yourself, and communicate symptoms when anxiety and feeling unheard take over.
Walking Into a Doctor’s Appointment When You Have Chronic Pelvic Pain Is Hard in over six years I have always struggled and yet Im confident and have hope and promise I will continue to advocate and rise up through my hardship.
If you live with chronic pelvic pain, endometriosis, adenomyosis, bladder/bowel pain/diagnosed symptom’s, or persistent pelvic inflammation, pudendal neuralgia (nerve damage) chances are you’ve walked into a doctor’s office carrying more than just symptoms.
You’re carrying:
Anxiety.
Fear of being dismissed.
Medical trauma.
Exhaustion from repeating your story.
Worry that you’ll be labelled dramatic or too emotional.
The desperate hope that this doctor might finally listen.
Personally I still get the trembles/shakes in my legs or hands because my nervous system is so sensitive and reactive (about the heavy discussion ahead even if its light hearted or meant to be positive) also usually Im in pain or inflamed when I go in majority of the time, true to what Im living with at the moment.
If you’ve ever left an appointment feeling unheard, minimised, discouraged or like you somehow failed to explain yourself properly, you’re not alone.
Just try to remember you advocated you did your best.
I know this feeling deeply, Ive walked in and out of appointments, procedures and surgeries more times than I can count most of them I do have a feeling of discouragement or regret like I didn’t address my needs correctly or how I wanted too in my head or I wasn’t being myself sometimes, its a lonely feeling – did I state my case wisely did I have all the answers to my questions… the list goes on. Im also human, a grown woman, mother, daughter and partner and take my situation seriously at the end of the day, its my life (my one life) why wouldn’t I want to live it to the best of my ability and ask for help, ask those questions and demand an answer.
As someone living with chronic pelvic pain and complex pelvic conditions for so long, I know what it feels like to rehearse everything in your head before an appointment, only to sit down and suddenly forget half of it because anxiety becomes challenging and can take over your being and you lose your voice.
I kick myself for it every time!
Im confident and experienced with what and how to conduct myself, I know what Im saying and how to express myself intuitively, but even the most confident/intuitive person can falter and get tongue tied in-front of a doctor or specialist who in some way is the person who can either make or break major decision’s surrounding your chronic pain conditions/illness and thats kind of terrifying when you depend on certain medications to function or need increases of pain relief for worsening symptoms. A medical professional can seem intimidating even with a smile – if you have been dismissed or gaslit that smile can seem untrusting.
Hard discussions are just that!
I have reoccurring bladder/bowel tethered endometriosis and pudendal neuralgia/myofascial pelvic pain syndrome and the reoccurring endometriosis has increased inflammation, flare ups daily, nerve pain severely (daily) and I have had to increase pain medication temporarily for a while, but it has been tough going, its hard to address without awkwardness or me “being human” breaking out in tears from my symptoms being all to much to handle (my pain threshold is high I tolerate a lot of pain so that says a lot) But with discipline and focus these can be achievable all wrapped up in a pain management plan with your doctor.
A good doctor would be open to discuss certain measures to help you get through till surgery and recovery or the duration of severity till you have surgery/hospital grade intervention.
Tip – my doctor (the good one) tells me to inform the anetheatist is the person to discuss pain management post operation – make sure you tell them you want to walk out with a script of extra pain medication for at least a week.
A good doctor will acknowledge your concerns and pain, make you feel heard and open to discussions within their means regarding medication and pain relief. Or you show up and they are toxic, dismissive, downplay your pain and restrict medication and well basically gaslight you – your conditions/diagnosis and pain.
I know what it feels like to second guess yourself:
Am I explaining this badly?
Maybe I’m overreacting.
What if they think I’m exaggerating.
What if they didn’t get an idea of my needs?
But here’s what I’ve learned over time:
You do not need to explain your pain perfectly to deserve medical care.
You deserve to be heard and treated with respect.
You deserve empathy and to be treated fairly.
Your diagnosis/specialist documentation should be acknowledged.
Why We Become Anxious Explaining Chronic Pelvic Pain?
People often ask why women with endometriosis, adenomyosis, pcos or chronic pelvic pain conditions/illness seem anxious/nervous and lose confidence in medical appointments.
The answer is simple:
Many of us have had to fight to be believed so much so it takes sometime to even believe it’s actually really happening, this reality of fighting to be heard and conditions believed causes trauma and negative impressions on our belief systems.
We have had to advocate so hard that it nearly feels like a full time job.
We have to become more creative when advocating and it’s exhausting. But never stop advocating, ever.
When pain becomes chronic, repeated dismissal can teach us to doubt ourselves and the people we look to, to take care of us, we lose faith and trust in them in the system.
You might have heard things like but not limited too – these punch lines are so tired!
Your scans are normal.
You’re too young.
Periods are painful.
Maybe it’s stress.
You just need to relax.
You see this is the problem a generic system, threats from a generic system tailored to treat us like warning beacons.
Over time, this chips away at confidence.
Suddenly, instead of walking into an appointment knowing your body, you walk in trying to prove your suffering.
That is exhausting mentally and physically draining on those of us who know much better.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned?
Confidence Doesn’t Mean You aren’t Nervous
Confidence is not the absence of anxiety.
Confidence is showing up despite anxiety.
You can be shaking.
You can be overwhelmed.
You can cry.
You can stumble over words.
And still advocate for yourself.
Being self-assured doesn’t mean being perfectly calm or articulate.
It means remembering:
“I know my body. I know what I’m experiencing. My symptoms deserve investigation.”
Practical Ways to Feel More Confident Before Your Appointment Queen’s
1. Write Everything Down First
When pain is constant, symptoms blur together.
Before appointments, I personally find it helpful to write notes because anxiety can make my mind go blank.
Try writing down:
What hurts
Where the pain is located
What makes it worse
What symptoms affect daily life
Bladder or bowel changes
Fatigue levels
Pain severity
How long symptoms have been worsening
Instead of saying:
“I’m just in pain.”
Try for example:
“I have daily pelvic pain that worsens with bladder fullness and bowel movements. It affects my ability to function and has progressively worsened over the last 6/12 months.” Or the period of which you have been affected the most.
Don’t be afraid or ashamed to express in depth details… wording is everything no expression is unworthy of explaining, like I get electric shocks vaginally and it burns after I void or have a bowel movement. Doctors have heard it all and details are forthcoming, your advocating your symptoms clearly be descriptive and unashamed of your words whether it sounds confronting or not its your truth.
Specific details help doctors understand the bigger picture.
2. Focus on Function, Not Just Pain
Doctors often respond when they understand how symptoms impact life.
Try explaining:
Instead of:
“My pain is bad.”
Say for example:
“My pain impacts my sleep, parenting, daily tasks, work, and mental/physical wellbeing.”
Pain matters, loss of function matters too.
3. Stop Minimising Your Symptoms
This one is hard especially if you’ve spent years being dismissed.
Many of us say:
It’s probably nothing.
I’m sorry to bother you.
Maybe I’m overthinking it.
I used to soften my symptoms because I was scared of being judged or let down (which I regret). But minimising your experience can accidentally minimise the urgency. You are allowed to be honest, human, true to yourself expressing your experience in all its severity.
If pain is severe, say severe.
If symptoms are worsening, tell them it is worsening.
If it is affecting quality of life, say that clearly so they understand.
You are not being dramatic. You are giving accurate information.
4. Practice a “Headline Sentence” Before You Go In.
When anxiety hits, everything can come out scrambled I still scramble my words even when asking for something for pain, its tough I really understand this to my core.
A short headline statement helps.
For example:
I’m here because my chronic pelvic pain has progressively worsened, it’s affecting daily functioning, and I’m concerned about painful to severe bowel and bladder involvement.
Or: I feel my symptoms are no longer manageable, and I want to discuss investigation and treatment options. This keeps the conversation focused.
5. Bring a Support Person if You Need To
There is strength in support.
A trusted partner, friend, or family member can help you remember details. Advocate when emotions rise, validate concerns and help you feel calmer.
Sometimes simply knowing a friend or loved one witnessed the appointment helps you feel less alone facing your doctor or specialist. Also your support person has experiences of seeing you going through your battles with chronic pain/illness that counts so much.
What If You Feel Unheard?
If a doctor dismisses your concerns, you are allowed to ask questions and you’re allowed to have those reasons recorded in notes as to why – some good questions are:
Can you explain why you don’t feel I need further investigation and document it please.
Given my symptoms are worsening, what would the next steps normally be or can you recommend someone with experience with my particular conditions.
Advocating for yourself is not being difficult. It is participating in your healthcare and sometimes the bravest thing you can do is seek another opinion, I have had to do this many times.
From My Personal Experience
Living with chronic pelvic pain has taught me something difficult but important:
Nobody lives in my body except me and the quality of care I need I will seek.
I know what my pain feels like so its valid to me.
I know when things are changing I am honest and know my body better than anyone else.
I know that worsening symptoms deserve answers and quality of care.
There have been appointments where I’ve cried, forgotten my words, become anxious, or walked in terrified of not being believed trembling and horrified by what Im being told, out right insulted even.
But I’ve also learned that preparation helps confidence and writing symptoms down bringing notes and evidence based emails and documentation if you have it, be honest to your depths for progress.
Standing firm in what I know my body is telling me is all I need to do. The reaction or how Im being treated shows me whether the medical professional concerned is able or not. Its telling if they can show you alternatives or push the bar for you its so telling when your gaslit or treated like your repellent or being annoying (which is purely about them not you).
Not every appointment I attend will ever go perfectly. But every time I advocate for myself, I remind myself:
I deserve medical care, answers, and support, and so do you beautiful.
All I want you to know is you “Know Your Body” If you’re anxious before your next appointment, hear this:
You don’t need to be perfectly confident. You do not need to explain things flawlessly. You do not need to “look sick enough.” But Im sure the signs are already there. You simply need to tell the truth about what living in your body feels like. Because chronic pelvic pain is already exhausting enough, you shouldn’t have to fight to be believed – Ive had to fight specialists through out my journey but it wasn’t okay it never felt right and it never got me what I needed – run for the hills from this person was more of a direct gut instinct, there will always be someone else who will try for you.
You are the expert on your body. Your voice matters in the room too.
Welcome Beautiful 