The Power of Being Believed: Why Validation Matters When You Live With Chronic Pelvic Pain

The Power of Being Believed: Why Validation Matters When You Live With Chronic Pelvic Pain

Living with chronic pelvic pain changes everything, the way you move, the way you think, the way you exist in the world. It’s not just the pain itself, it’s the way you have to carry it every single day while trying to keep up with life, family, work, studies and the expectations of others.

It’s trying to sit through a conversation while you’re in pain, blowing up with inflammation – mind racing. 

It’s pushing through school drop-offs and pick ups, down to making breakfast or dinner and showing up for everyone within your tribe, even when your body feels like it’s unravelling with aches and echoing pain inside.

Somehow you feel expected to smile through it and bare it – at least thats easier than explaining why somedays I don’t fully release my inner turmoils, until I was at my threshold with pain and inflammation and I couldn’t handle it anymore, until it becomes too hard to hide.

But what hurts the most sometimes isn’t just the physical pain, it’s the feeling of not being believed, overlooked, dismissed and gaslit its so taxing mentally for many of us not being acknowledged.

When Your Pain Is Invisible

People often see the outside version of us, functioning at a normal capacity when its far from it, for me its getting dressed, showing up, holding things together and playing along with surface conversations with acquaintances. They don’t see the hours spent with overheated heat packs (never hot enough to comfort my pelvic pain), the constant random daily flare-ups and those damaging moments where my body gives out I literally pass out from inflammation and pain from simply sitting too long studying/creating or being to active, which can take up to 48hrs to overcome. Whether it be driving, working, studying or trying to relax after the afternoon/evening rush with three children. I cant even fully rest with my pain or the inflammation that spreads through the pelvis and abdomen until it feels hard and swollen making it tough to function at full capacity – going to sleep aching.

When your pain doesn’t show on the outside, it becomes invisible to the world. And that’s where validation becomes so important because invisibility breeds misunderstanding.

I’ve had experience of a particular professional/doctor who talks over me, telling me Im wrong because of their own beliefs not investigating my own intuitive and real beliefs about my own body, they expressed more concern of pain medication (when really its because it reflects on them what they script me) – its unprofessional – minimising my pain completely to my face, comparison of their doctorly experience choosing their own belief again instead of what I am saying about my presenting symptoms Im dealing with, here I am asking for referral’s to specialists I need on my team, but being openly dismissed instead of a proactive approach from my doctor (Im currently looking else where for a GP.

My need to find answers is and will always be there, I deserve to be acknowledged we all do.

I will never give up on myself

My mother always told me “The squeakiest wheel always gets the most attention”

She passed away three years ago of stage four stomach cancer – her strength to fight for her life, to live – reminds me to always give everything my all and I derive strength from her to never give up hope ever, to always give myself the best chance to live a normal happy life far from pain.

I’ve walked out of appointments holding back tears or in full tears, angry, blown away by the ignorance the argumentative style and negative personal comments about me – not my pain, feeling exhausted from not being heard. Being turned away so easily by a doctor who cant be bothered trying. There are those out there who will do this with complex pain patients (it is about them not you).

The Damage of Being Dismissed

When you’re dismissed long enough, you start to question yourself.

You wonder if maybe you are too sensitive, or if you should be coping better or haven’t tried enough, you’re over exaggerating your very real symptoms. Truly feeling mislead or confused when these aren’t treated respectfully and dismissed with an “in your head approach” “its stress, its family” its anything but what you know it is, physically documented and complex pain.

That’s what dismissal does, it makes you doubt your own truth it makes you question yourself – is it me? Surely this cant be the approach? but unfortunately for many it is a hard reality when dismissal/gaslighting from professionals happens.

But chronic pelvic pain, endometriosis, pudendal neuralgia, and myofascial pain are real (My documented diagnosis’s). They are life-altering. When the people who are supposed to help, doctors, specialists, even friends, fail to validate what you’re living through, it leaves deep emotional scars theres no nice way to put it.

It can trigger anxiety, shame, anger, hopelessness and feelings of worthlessness. You start to carry not just your pain, but the emotional weight of being disbelieved. And that’s a load no one should have to bear.

Keep going beautiful!

Never ever give up on yourself because someone who is supposed to help you cant bring themselves to do the right thing by you – its them not you – there is always another doctor who will try harder and work with you, they do exist@.

The Healing Power of Validation

Validation is one of the most healing gifts a person can receive. It’s not about fixing the pain it’s about being seen and feeling the peace you deserve.

When someone says, “I believe you,” or “That must be really hard,” something in your nervous system softens. You can breathe again. Your body, which has been in constant defense mode, finally feels safe for a moment.

That’s the thing about chronic pain it isn’t just physical. It’s emotional, mental, and spiritual.

And when someone validates your experience, it tells your body: You don’t have to fight alone anymore.

My amazing psychologist she specifically is an experienced chronic pelvic pain psychologist who I recently did a work shop with called “Living with Endo/pelvic Pain”. I also see her every three to four weeks. She has validated my feelings and expresses disbelief about how my doctor is treating me (giving me links to doctors and compound pharmacy’s to try out) The pain specialist who barely see me she has expressed their lack of action and how it has affected me. She clearly understands dismissal as she has experienced others with similar experiences the story’s behind them and the horrid treatment to those with chronic pelvic pain conditions. Her validation empowers me and reminds me of my inner desire to keep moving forward keep searching for answers. 

For me, finding validation didn’t come easily. I had to go through many specialists appointments, scans, invasive and painful examinations many dismissals, and many tears before finding a select few specialists who finally listened who werent trying to control the narrative.

Im yet to find a doctor/Gp with enough knowledge to grasp a complex pelvic pain patient like me. The kind of professional who truly see’s my situation as it is, not just a diagnosis but what comes with a diagnostic, that will change my confidence and give me that “safe feeling”. Because my diagnosis’s are real documented and ongoing. 

Learning to Validate Yourself

As important as it is to be validated by others, I’ve also learned the power and growth you can achieve with self-validation and self advocating strongly with all you have to navigate chronic pelvic pain in a system that tucks their tail at the mention of chronic pain, they just don’t want to deal with it. 

Affirming quotes and learned mental thoughts to empower yourself and your internal dialogue. Through a workshop I recently attended (Living with Endo/Pelvic Pain) helped me attain some methods of the psychological kind surrounding chronic pelvic pain.

For example: I tell myself I am safe and I am okay today and that my body doesn’t have to protect me I am not in danger and I am SAFE.

Ive felt the pain of being abandoned by doctors and being overlooked and grown largely learning to self advocate and validate what Im feeling is real regardless of this type of deliberate abandonment by doctors.

When you live with chronic pelvic pain, you become your own greatest advocate. You learn to listen to your body’s cues, even when others don’t.

Self-validation sounds like:

“My pain is real, even if no one else understands it.”

“I am allowed to rest without guilt.”

“I don’t have to prove my pain for it to matter.”

“I am not weak for needing help.”

There’s something powerful about reminding yourself that your experience is real, that you are not making it up, exaggerating, or being dramatic. You are surviving something incredibly difficult and doing it with so much strength and grace – period.

Why We Need Validation in Healthcare

If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this journey, it’s how deeply healthcare systems need to change. How when a complex pelvic pain patient walks into a doctors office the doctor needs to deep dive and take a hard look at themselves when trying to push out someone with chronic pelvic pain deliberately because they have chronic pain and step up to help that patient, not make excuses or find ways to deter them.

Validation should be the starting point in every consultation, not the result of years of fighting to be heard.

Patients living with chronic pain shouldn’t have to prove themselves. We shouldn’t be dismissed for taking medication that allows us to function, or made to feel guilty for needing relief. A compassionate doctor can make all the difference, one who listens, believes, and supports you in safely managing pain and rebuilding trust with your body.

Because the truth is, pain management isn’t just medical, it’s emotional. Being validated by your doctor helps heal the trauma caused by years of not being believed.

Finding Strength Through Connection

There’s something incredibly healing about connecting with others who “get it.”

When another woman messages you and says, “I’ve been there too,” that’s validation. It’s shared strength. Or attending work shops with others in similar situations.

That’s one of the reasons I share my story because validation ripples outward. Every time we speak our truth, someone else feels less alone. And that’s how we begin to shift the silence that surrounds pelvic pain.

Validation is not a luxury. It’s a lifeline.

When someone truly sees you, when they acknowledge your pain and your effort, it reminds you that you are worthy of care, support, and understanding.

To anyone living with chronic pelvic pain:

I believe you.

Your pain is real.

You are not alone in this.

You are allowed to rest, to speak up, to need help, and to take up space in your healing.

You don’t have to prove your suffering to deserve compassion.

You already deserve it simply because you’re human.

Cassie x

Artist, Mum and Mental Health Student Living With Chronic Pelvic Pain