I found moving country when I was 21 years old was the most challenging being away from routine and my good friends who to this day I still talk to a handful and social media is a good way to stay in touch. With conversations theres always common ground and understanding and laughter. But I can be real and not feel judged or misunderstood.
As an out going person who is very open and pretty much non judgemental I consider myself to be very loyal and respectful till disrespected I also can see the line in the sand when someone changes towards me I flow with it and happily go on my way, since leaving my country I took on full knowledge I may be alone and may not meet others as easily but Im an open book I would talk about anything Im understanding and have compassion, but those very good quality’s can be taken advantage of, new connections form from my curiosity of wanting to meet someone who seems worthy of knowing, but then peoples insecurity’s and judgement those things can contradict my good intentions.
We all live in our dream big or small we have an idea of who we are our boundaries and what we want out of life. By a certain age we tend to keep our circles small and safe.
I have stumbled across different people who have come in and out of my life but unlike the people who know me well, these people have missed the back drop on my life and how I grew to evolve, my hardships and just see what they see everybody has a different version of you in thier head dont they!
Lack of time” was the second-most common reason people gave after “lack of trust” (from current studys on the subject) when asked why they found it hard to make friends as adults.
This won’t be news to many of us. When we have demanding schedules, very involved family lives or a combination of the two, our time for investing in friendships drops.
In school, making friends can be as simple as exchanges of interests. But as adults, making, developing and maintaining friendships can be much more difficult.
This matters, because we need friends. And while old friends are amazing, we change and evolve nothing stays the same forever.
Old friends move away, or have their time taken up by child or their careers. Without action, loneliness can quietly grow around you.
Ive found as I have reached forty I have the children, three to be exact (super busy) heading back to work or study, I have a small business all handmade goods through Etsy, I have an 11 year relationship with my Fiancé, I write a blog, kids sports and more… Im busy but I have found you can never be so alone when you have all these things happening around you as well.
We tend to edge towards acquaintances friendly people through association, kids friends and parents and even customers of mine I am never alone!
As a mother sometimes I crave to be alone, but when it comes to friends I have meet many colourful characters and definitely have felt alone as an adult seeking companionship, I have that in my partner so am never alone in that sense.
As a compassionate woman with a big heart a love of socialising I have learnt the hard way how to see a disaster coming and stop it in its tracks.
In the past I didn’t quite nail the characters of people perhaps having different views was the issue or our personality’s were to different it takes the right kind of person to maintain a friendship in my life and they are everywhere like minded individuals Im sure in my lifetime I will meet my new people and it wont be so hard.
I have hit a time in my life where kids, family, schedules and lack of time is abundant and it seems near impossible to lock in regular catch ups because life is so crazy truth be told!
Some people are not for you (thats not saying everyone) but you can taste test different foods and choose what you like and don’t like that also apply’s to meeting people you either like them or you don’t. Sometimes it just feels like to much hard work so did you really need them in the first place. You politely move forward and enjoy the peace of your life without external complications from others.
Lack of Trust
Why is it harder to put trust in someone new and have you feeling like you dont want to fully invest in them as a friend compared to when we were younger.
Perhaps that’s why many people try to keep their circle of old friends as long as possible, given the trust they may have built up over many years.
Who finds it harder to make new friends in our adult years?
“Women (unfortunately) were more likely than men to say they didn’t make new friends easily because they struggled to trust others” I feel like I can relate to this in some way because lines can get blurred once the honey moon period of a new friendship wears off, and true colours show people can really change and their maybe underlying tendency’s from this new friend the truth always comes out eventually its all about how you handle yourself and set strong boundary’s.
For example
One stand out friendship it was easy to fall into we had a-lot in common both creative, both open and honest and mothers. So after time we got together for drinks it was fun to begin with then she decided to ask me to kiss her for fun, in shock I was so off and out of that friendship it was unbelievable she would even ask me that, it was out of character, also before that train crash, she started to copy my work my handcrafted goods at the time I was selling, they say copying is the best form of flattery I didn’t find it flattering at all. She left a drunk abusive message on my voicemail when I didn’t answer her call once.
It went from sweet and chatty to crazy full steam crazy.
Another stand out friendship that ended was with a woman she was a-little older than me, she seemed interesting and down to earth (largely I could sense trust issues but I wasn’t concerned at the time) easy enough to talk to we had some things in common, kids around the same age, both down to earth and we both enjoyed communicating about life, had the same ideals and shared a-lot it was so refreshing and she was supportive and willing to help me through some tough times. Then as I got to know her better, I found she was always distracted easily and didn’t finish conversations, eventually she just kind of disappeared for large gaps after becoming closer as friends, so I just let it go I wasn’t interested in chasing anyone my life was hectic enough it shouldn’t be difficult to communicate. Then it got awkward when I saw her at pick up and drop off I really don’t know what happened she just fell off the face of the earth and was super irregular out of no where…
Another situation this woman was an energy vamp and quite narcissistic and would over talk me and just selfishly use me to talk about herself I exited as soon as I caught wind of this behaviour and how it made me reflect on what kind of friendship this was, her mask was coming off and to be honest some of the story’s she shared seemed of a malicious nature towards others. I cottoned on very quickly to her bad tendency’s towards others her genuine nature and just distanced myself entirely. It was a revelation of the whole reason why adults dont trust as easily because of people like that out there in the wild.
Being open as an adult trying to make friends you learn quickly.
I know I am open and honest and friendly but for a while I was attracting people who weren’t aligned with me or my path. So I decided to just focus on my family, my life. Friend’s will happen after all we have a life time to create natural and peaceful loving friendships that bring out the best in you they do exist.
I do have those beautiful friendships as well with people and these people don’t make you question who you are or make you feel lesser.
So what is it about adulthood? Well, as adults, we have greater self-awareness than children. While that is often a positive, it also means we’re more aware of the risks of being judged by others, of not being liked, of being rejected, and of being hurt.
Or perhaps it just means we’ve been through high school and our 20s and life brings in all sorts of things we grow up and out and lose the time we once had to naturally progress into a fruitful relationship.
To trust a new friend means opening ourselves up and being vulnerable, just as we do in relationships.
To develop a new friendship, you need personal connection.
Friendships need time
After the trust issue comes time. “Lack of time” was the second-most common reason people gave after “lack of trust” from researching this topic, when asked why they found it hard to make friends as adults.
This won’t be news to many of us. When we have demanding schedules, very involved family lives or a combination of the two, our time for investing in friendships drops. Even when we meet a promising new friend, it can be hard to carve out time to invest in it. This is a bigger problem for older adults, given most people find their obligations increase with age.
It’s entirely possible to overcome barriers as adults and build meaningful, long-lasting friendships. We don’t have to accept loneliness as inevitable. And while you might think everyone else is having a great social life, remember loneliness is widespread.
Lean into your vulnerability
We’re often scared by the idea of being vulnerable. I think we should embrace it. Remember you are in control of how much you trust and how much you open up. If you struggle with trust, consider sharing personal information slowly, rather than all at once.
Yes, there is a risk in being vulnerable — but there is also the potential to connect on a meaningful level with another person who may very well become a good friend. And that is a fine reward.
Gypsy Joi Creations 